So You Think Your Friend Is Magical?
by Silent Magi
Summary: Sometimes all that needs to be done to shake up the world is a single piece of the written word. Rated M just in case. Crack-fic
1. Statute of Secrecy

Chapter 1: The Statute of Secrecy - Why It's Pure and Utter Bupkis.

* * *

Harry sighed. Here he was, effectively under house arrest because an escaped fugitive was on the loose. He looked at the book he'd found at the bottom of his trunk with a frown. It had been one that someone tossed out instead of returning to the library. The librarian had just given it to him, since it was in a ruined state, and Mr. Coriander suggested he was in it. Admittedly, according to the girl who lived with him, and worked as his assistant, he was usually good on odd books that no-one else would ever want.

"So Your Friend Is Magical?" he snorted as he looked over the cover of the book once again. "Like anyone could get away with writing something like that..."

He opened the book to find a foreword. "This book was written at great personal expense, in that several of my friends and myself were 'obliviated' by the magical world in an attempt to stop our research. Thankfully, magicals are also incredibly thick and don't recognise what post-hypnotic suggestion can do to their mind magic." The first paragraph read, "Before you continue, a good idea is to get a book on self-hypnosis, and effectively cause yourself to create a state whereby you only remember things a day after you hear or see them. For some unknown reason, this means you only might forget what you did yesterday when you're obliviated."

Harry paused and thought about what they had just suggested. Effectively, creating a state where you couldn't be obliviated of an important event... because something you could be reminded about, like what you did the day before, got wiped, while the important encounter with a wizard was remembered with perfect clarity.

"Over time, we managed to shrink this period down to only 2-3 hours, because the Obliviate Spell, covered in Chapter 8, only seems to normally work for erasing a hour's memories, unless someone uses it in an overpowered state," the foreword continued, "We are always willing to accept a wizard or witch for help with some of the research, since our last five researchers were killed during one of the several dark wars that break out almost every 10-15 years in the wizarding world of Europe. This book was last updated after the fall of the Dark Lord Tom Marvolo Riddle, also known as Voldemort, in the early 80's."

"Bloody sodding hell," Harry exclaimed while as he looked over the book's Table of Contents again. "They know nearly everything about the Wizarding World... And they last updated... Fuck. The MUGGLES knew his name while the wizards won't even say his fake name?! Just great."

He then looked at the first chapter title, turning to the page for it, before he was forced to blink as he noticed the sub-heading. "OK, why would they say that about a important piece of magical legislature?" He wondered, since every wizard or witch was expected to follow it religiously. Then the little used logical part of his brain supplied an answer. "They have an inside source... and they've faced it firsthand."

"Hermione would love this..." he mused as she continued reading. A lot of it did make sense in a scary, and terrible way. The amount of secrecy they declared they needed was worse than someone like the groups that appeared in films like James Bond, but the way they policed it was poorly managed.

"According to the Statute Of Secrecy, all muggles must be obliviated on the spot before any wizards are quizzed about why they broke the Statute. This includes use of the spells Avada Kedavra, Incendio and several other highly dangerous spells, and it has come to the attention of several of our research teams that many minor 'terrorist' attacks went unpunished in that the actual perpetrator lied to the investigating officer, and the muggles who could prove otherwise had been obliviated and sent on their way." The latest paragraph he read listed, "This includes a infamous incident a few weeks before the latest printing, where a strange rat-faced man caused an explosion in a muggle street. Our own muggle researchers could tell any auror that the rat-faced man caused the explosion, for reasons unknown, but the other man, a Sirius Black..."

Harry froze, his hands freezing up. They couldn't possibly mean the same Sirius Black that just escaped, could they? No, he wouldn't be after Harry if that was the case, would he? Then a little voice asked in the back of his mind. 'Was he?'

"We have repeatedly attempted to bring our evidence to the Wizarding Government, but the book is considered to be a piece of muggle trash, and all attempts to prove that Sirius Black is innocent have fallen on deaf and dumb ears." The last of the section on the incident read, "As of a decade after his incarceration, however, we have not heard of his death, but suspect he may have been driven insane by the infamous prison of Azkaban."

"So, they throw an innocent man in jail, because the evidence they used said that he blew up the street and promptly sent him insane and out to kill me because of some reason that likely involves Tom Riddle." Harry declared with a hint of sarcasm, "Well, that's this year sorted. The Ministry Of Magic, because they obliviate first and ask questions later, created my latest assassin, thanks guys, See you in Hell."

The rest of the chapter concerned the Death Eater 'trials' and how again, evidence was 'accidentally' destroyed by the need for secrecy, meaning that not one Death Eater has actually been arrested and charged unless they were too dumb or too insane to actually make up their own evidence trail. It was almost laughable that the only competent ones who did get thrown in jail were arrested and charged after targeting purely wizarding targets, for example Neville's parents.

"We wish to close in saying that if you have an official secrets act, Wizarding World, at least ask people for the information they shouldn't know before you wipe it from their minds." the book read flatly , "Maybe then you won't have several dozen unsolved cases in your Department of Magical Law Enforcement each month."

Harry hollowly chuckled, before closing the book. The next chapter was about the Ministry, and he wanted to read that one when he met with Hermione in a few days.


	2. Ministry of Magic

Chapter 2: The Ministry of Magic - The Mythical Non-Ministry of Our Government.

* * *

"Harry, this proves-" Hermione started, only to pause to consider her words as she re-read the segment before speaking again. "OK, so this does provide proof Sirius Black is innocent. But why would a muggle book contain the very evidence that proves that whoever he is, the main reason he's raving mad is that no-one heard his pleas... OK, Want to start the next chapter... The Ministry of Magic, The My-... OK, this book is definitely looking to get banned from the majority of Magical Europe... and be exceedingly popular elsewhere."

"Think about it, Hermione, they're publishing this as a direct challenge in the one media the Ministry wouldn't consider looking at... Mundane Press," Harry countered with a slight rakish smirk. "And it does so by making good, solid points... I did a little research when I could ditch the guards."

"Harry, the subtitle of the second chapter is basically claiming that the Ministry of Magic doesn't actually exist!" Hermione snapped hotly as she jabbed a finger at the title.

"That's because it doesn't, at least not on any official documents," Harry explained while moving her finger down on the page to a specific paragraph. "Read this..."

"Every attempt by Mundane authorities to verify what department of the current Labour government the Ministry of Magic answers to has been met with a obliviation under the Statute Of Secrecy, due to the fact the information is not for disclosure." The paragraph read, "We have checked all ministries, departments and organizations under the purview of Queen Elizabeth the Second, and have found no mention of an officially mandated Ministry of Magic, only a vague reference to one in a particularly old text, and that called it the Magical Court of King James. It is supposed to report directly to the crown, or appointed authority thereof, on matters magical. There should not be, and has never been officially sanctioned, a Minister of Magic, or any ministry to allow such a position."

"Now Hermione, what does this tell us?" Harry asked as he leaned in curiously, a devilish grin spreading on his face. "Just tell me what you think this means."

"The ministry is illegal according to..." Hermione began, then gave a shocked look after she reread the paragraph, "Oh my... They don't have any authority."

"Which means all the laws that persecute mundanes and magical creatures, as well as their insistence that everything including who has wands is regulated... are also illegal." Harry declared, "Oh, and read on, there's a lovely bit about the cornerstone of all those regulations."

"The Statute of Secrecy, established in the 19th century, by the Ministry in its earliest form, is actually a direct breach of clause fifteen in the charter of the Magical Court, which required that all use of magic and all policing of magical use be handled by the crown, and an attack on a member of the crown by a magical cannot be permitted, including use of unsanctioned mind magic." The next paragraph read, "Several other laws have also been studied, and are all in breach of clauses in the charter of the Magical Court, mostly dealing with the increase in the rights of 'Pure' wizards, while removing the same rights from 'non-Pure' magicals."

"What the?" Hermione declared, "Why did they do it?"

"Who gets arrested most often for breaches of the Statute Of Secrecy involving casting magic in front of muggles?" Harry asked, "Think about what happened to me over Dobby."

"But that's not... it's..." Hermione started as she tried process everything.

"Exactly." Harry replied, "Hermione, did you know that Hogwarts itself kidnaps several dozen non-magical born children every year?"

"What do you mean 'kidnaps'?" Hermione asked. Harry pointed to a later paragraph.

"During the mid-19th century, every single magical person in England, Scotland, and the commonwealths apparently vanished, and a new peerage system was set up by the magicals of the time, becoming the first 'Pureblood Lords'. However, a document was drawn up by the British Government of the time, and ratified by the Royal Family, declaring that said Pureblood Lords were guilty of high treason, and this document, ever since, has been magically amended to add kidnapping charges of any UK citizen who travels into the magical world and does not return to the treason charges. Due to the constant obliviations, this document has not been shown to the Minister of Magic, who is facing 1000 years in the Tower Of London if he actually did read it and do as it says."

"So, none of the students should be in a solely magical environment unless..." Hermione began.

"They were born or married in the world, whereupon they are considered a citizen. It's similar to a lot of other immigration policies," Harry explained. "Ever wondered why both of us are being encouraged to know a wholly magical family, and why there are so many halfbloods?"

"Even still, that'd be illegal, as the Purebloods are all but stealing sovereign territory from the crown," Hermione explained in shock before slapping a hand over her mouth. She couldn't believe she just agreed with the fact that she was guilty of high treason by association.

"Yes, it's illegal, but that's the whole point!" Harry declared as he pulled Hermione's hands down, "They're going round claiming everything they do is above the law, but it outright ignores it!"

"Harry! This is... well not high treason on our part, but if they know we know..." Hermione began while casting glances around nervously. "We can't stay here, Harry..."

"It gets better, Hermione, read the next paragraph, it's about the International Confederation of Wizards," Harry pointed out, encouraging her to realize just how deep this rabbit hole goes.

"A group, known as the ICW, was set up in a section of the United Nations by a colony of early Purebloods, attempting to escape the well-known charges of treason that they'd face if they even set foot on British-owned soil," The chapter continued, "This group is supposedly the Wizarding United Nations, but they do not actually pass any laws created or discussed by the actual United Nations, and only discuss how to continue their own ideas, and ignore the thoughts of countries like Japan and America, who actually have delegates in the United Magical Nations, the officially sanctioned United Nations, which the ICW officially declared as illegal in 1950, a week after it was established."

"Hermione, I know that you've read up on the ICW before... tell me what countries are current members?" Harry asked curiously as he pulled the book back.

"The official listing was never made after a mug- a supposed terrorist attack destroyed the previous conference..." Hermione explained as the pieces began falling into place for her.

"Actually, the previous conference didn't exist," Harry explained in a hushed tone as he pulled out a new piece of paper, covered with his handwriting, "There never was a ICW as was mandated."

"There has to have been something, Harry... well obviously not in connection to our Ministry, but the other nations-" Hermione began to answer, only to freeze as heavy footsteps walked past the door to Harry's room.

"The one notable thing is that the ICW seems to only recognise three schools as existing, despite there being listings for at least one per country. Coupled with this, suspicions about the terrorist attack make this writer believe that only England, France and Bulgaria actually have anyone in the ICW." Harry read from the book after the noise had moved on before pointing to his 'homework' page, "Read what I wrote there."

"I did some asking among the common wizard and witch on the street, and they all assume that the various nations of the world are united under the ICW, however one high-ranking official disclosed the truth. There are only three real seats of power in the ICW, those held by the representatives of France, Bulgaria, and the Supreme Mugwump who is almost exclusively British."

"Meaning that we're in a communist state, run by the British Wizarding 'Government', who pretty much..." Hermione began as she lowered the page, her eyes wide.

"If they got their way, magical creatures would be heavily policed, and you'd not be able to even have magic if you're not born to a magical parent without being adopted into a magical family. I saw the draft law," Harry stated calmly as he pushed the book back towards her. "My source was very eager to have me learn politics from him."

"And if we don't want to be adopted?" Hermione asked.

"A marriage contract is drawn up, without your parents' permission, and the family of the wizard or witch you are marrying pays your tuition on the understanding that the marriage happens at the earliest opportunity," Harry continued with a hollow sounding voice, "Literally, you become a magical or you marry one. No other option."

"Harry, they can't... they haven't..." Hermione began for Harry to nod slowly. "It's a matter of yet, isn't it?"

"The person who showed me the law asked for my support when I come out of school. He's already got support from most of the people he needs, and, if I was to be unable to take my seats on the Wizengamot, which are being held in proxy at the moment... I know for a fact the proxies support the law 100%" Harry declared, "I don't support it one bit, neither did any of the previous holders. Oh, and about the Wizengamot..."

"The wizarding House Of Lords, the Wizengamot, is another contentious issue, since, while it was once hereditary, and based on the signatories of the Wizarding Court document, it is now purely the ancestors of the Pureblood Lords who broke the covenant with King James, as well as what remains of the families of the signatories. Those who are predominantly in control of the current Wizengamot have been noted to be voting in laws, that mean nothing in the mundane world, are still theoretically legal if they can pass a law declaring them a separate country, the only law that has never passed a Wizengamot session due to a clause requiring 100% approval. There are only 5 families on the Wizengamot who are left of the true Wizengamot as of the last time it was checked, and two of them have proxies who are part of the other group."

"So..." Hermione began.

"I know for a fact that, if events go as I can predict, they'll have their full approval by the time I graduate, and that law I mentioned will be the first one tabled as part of their 'constitution'." Harry explained hollowly, "Followed by that is an immediate check of England for any magically adept people, even squibs, who will be forced to join the new 'country' or they will be acting in treason, since the law effectively makes having magic at all in the mundane world is a cardinal offence."

As Harry trailed off, Hermione's eyes widened and fell silent herself as she put the unsaid pieces of the puzzle into place. "Harry... I'm going back to the mug- mundane side and getting some books... would you like me to bring you some?"

"The Anarchist's Cookbook?" Harry asked, glibly, "I need you to pick up a small padded box, capable of holding a walnut-sized ball with space either side for a pair of wings. I read ahead slightly, and want to set up for a prank to play during the first weekend match between Gryffindor and Slytherin. It's almost always the first weekend of term. Also, a book on self-hypnotism. I'll pay you back when I can get the galleons converted."


	3. Platform Nine and Three-Quarters

Chapter 3: Platform Nine and Three-Quarters - And Other Totally Bonkers Names

* * *

"Hermione?" Harry asked as he finished up a scroll by blowing on it slightly and rolling it up and pulling out a book on self-hypnosis. "What are places that we visit every year, but can never talk about in mundane society?"

"Diagon Alley, Platform Nine and Three Quarters, Hogwarts itself..." Hermione declared, "All of them 'sovereign' territory of the 'Ministry of Magic'."

"Good examples to build off of," Harry answered as he petted Crookshanks on his lap while opening his book to where the mark is waiting. "There is something odd about that, isn't it? They claim to want to keep it secret but-"

"It's so obvious it's there that it hurts?" Hermione suggested.

"Not only that, but the names give it away that there's something off about them," Harry continued as he dug out an owl treat and popped it into Hedwig's dish, since she seemed a bit miffed that Crookshanks was stealing her favorite seat.

"If they had some kind of area just off to the side of a country, they could easily set up portkeys and have people travel that way. To have some big and obvious thoroughfare in the middle of London, one of the busiest parts of the UK..." Hermione began as she dug out the book that had become a favorite amongst the two of them.

"Let's begin reading," Hermione stated as she opened up the book and found the paragraph they'd left off on, "In the early days of Wizarding England, Magical places were normally hidden by use of druidic circles, like Stonehenge. Study by a magically adept person shows that the area of Stonehenge is no longer magically active, but shows signs of an ancient version of portkey 'technology'."

"The biggest tourist trap was a way to keep magical places secret..." Harry quipped while lowering his book on top of Crookshanks, who decided it made a nice hat..

"No no no. Private." Hermione countered, continuing reading, "The main purpose of the druidic circles was that the 'portkeys' of ancient times could only work by simply having a person with a magical core enter one of the archways, whereupon the real location was found. As a result, no completely mundane person would find anything. This meant a druid could study and meditate in peace."

"I guess that, when magically active, but not magically trained, people came along, those methods became redundant," Harry offered while scratching Crookshanks behind the ear.

"Actually, the same time as the Ministry Charter was established, they just plain stopped using them. According to the book, they were in use well into the last couple of centuries." Hermione countered, pointing to the paragraph.

"Wonderful... how much you want to bet that the Ministry is the only thing keeping us from merging the two worlds?" Harry asked rhetorically, which Hermione ignored.

"Suspicions with the writer about the sudden lack of use of these ancient places is that anyone who entered a magical area in the times when they used them was given education in magic by the other druids, and later wizards, who were studying there. Within Japan, there are many temple gates which are actually enchanted with the same portkey runes, except they are fully active, and at least 80% of known temples in the country are also feeder schools for the main school system," Hermione continued.

"Wait, so Hogwarts is pretty much a massive worthless white elephant in reality, since there are possibly over a dozen places in England and Scotland which, since they have a druidic circle that is in serviceable condition, could be used as a school for wizards?" Harry asked curiously as he tried to map out the Isles.

"Not quite. None of the schools that are hidden by the intact druidic circles are any use, since they are both feeder schools and have become tourist traps. Stonehenge was originally the foremost school in the United Kingdom according to this book, but closed down when a invasion force collapsed the main entrance," Hermione declared with a sigh.

"Hermione, I think they want us to remain separated from the Mundane world, and used the names to increase that," Harry suggested as he put away his book and fished out the scroll to add another couple notes.

"That's my suspicion too." Hermione offered, "They use the fact that druidic circles, which are what we'd have been directed to at the age of 11, are now mostly collapsed, and set up their own school, using... Oh, that's rich..."

"Think Platform Nine and Three-Quarters is one of them that actually still active?" Harry asked as he penned the notes on the back of Crookshanks, who enjoyed the scratching sensation.

"Hogwarts Castle, according to a master cartographer who actually checked the location of the ruin that it inhabits, is actually Camelot Castle, which was donated to Godric Gryffindor, as well as a goblin-made replica of Excalibur, both intended to show King Arthur's support for the Magical World even after his death."

"So it's all a lie, is it?" Harry asked with a sigh as he shook his head. "It's a good sword regardless of how much of a shame it is... I still have trouble believing my ancestors bought into these lies."

"The sword is real, and it's got much the same power as Excalibur, but King Arthur the 12th, the last magical monarch, who was assassinated by the first Minister Of Magic, was using it at the time," Hermione explained, getting out a pad of paper, "Translated that part from a very very very very old book that the person selling it couldn't understand."

"Hermione, remember, we're in the Magical World, so he was tried and executed for crimes such as treason and such," Harry corrected dryly, with sarcasm dripping from every word.

"Yeah, he only was totally supportive of the Magical Court of King James, and actually was the King of said Court." Hermione explained, "The book was in a form of ancient Latin that the person who owned it couldn't understand. Thankfully..."

"I'll take that." Luna declared as she came in tossing her trunk into the overhead with nary a care that Harry and Hermione's were stacked on the bench opposite them, "Been looking for why it was called the Magical Court for a friend."

"It was actually 'The Magical Court from the time of King James'... A minor translation error, but expected considering the crypto-linguists of the modern Wizarding World only are taught Ancient Runes and basic Latin."

"Butchered actually," Luna corrected as she looked at the book Hermione had in her hand, written in perfect Latin. "So, you can actually read that?"

"I look Latin lessons, self-taught, since I ran out of pure English books to read when I was six." Hermione huffed, "There's only so much a person can read indeed..."

"So what's that other book you have, Hermione?" Luna asked while looking over at the guidebook that had opened the pair's eyes to so much of the magical world.

"It's probably what your friend is looking into," Hermione offered, "It's a much more accurate guide to the wizarding world than any book I've seen in Flourish and Blotts."

"And you read the entire of Flourish and Blotts probably." Harry countered.

The blonde took a seat opposite the pair, leaning against their trunks as she pulled her legs up to her chest, hugging her pants covered limbs to herself as she looked out the doorway. "So... if my friend were to be looking into it, would you be willing to talk to her about it? She is a bit... weird..."

"Similar to you, Luna Celeste Lovegood, who committed herself to an insane asylum when you were eight since you liked the look of the jackets?" Hermione asked, curiously, "You were all over the newspapers for a week when you broke out."

"I did not think anyone remembered that..." Luna offered with a slight blush as she bit her lower lip. "But... would you be willing to talk with her? She has been alone with so many questions for a long time..."

"Hmm..." Hermione mused softly as she looked over the nervous girl, "I wonder... Is your friend your age?"

"She might be..." Luna didn't quite answer as she refused to make eye contact with Hermione.

"Bingo," Hermione muttered, before saying, "We believe in you, Luna, and will be your friends. Now tell the truth... Is she you?"

"Mommy left the book to me before she... had her accident... and-" Luna started quietly, cutting off as the door slammed open.

"Hey, Harry, Hermione, you'll never guess-" Ron started, before looking over at the very full seat beside Harry. "Oi Loony, mind leaving? We have something to talk about."

"Oh look, Hurricane Weasel." Hermione mouthed, her eyes going towards the ceiling, before mouthing to Luna, "Hell no."

"There's four seats per carriage, Ron." Luna offered, "Hermione was helping me review some things, since I had questions..."

"I can see that there's four seats, Loony, but their trunks are filling up one..." Ron cut in with a sigh. "Harry, what are you doing with that rat hating monster on the loose?"

"Since you weren't here, we were being slightly lax over the seating arrangements." Harry declared, scribbling something down, "Luna, this should help with your problem."

"I know why he needs you to leave and the trunks to move. You need one space for him, and one space for the mess he causes," Harry had written, which got a shake of the girl's head.

"Harry, I think the strings of the truth are there, but they're pulling me in another direction..." Luna offered as she reached up for her trunk. "I'm sorry to bother you, Hermione, perhaps I could-"

"No, no." Hermione countered as she waved the girl back to sit, "We invited you to stay, Ron, you've been insensitive and a jerk, and I think you should leave."

"We'll catch up at school, Ron, I wanted to work on some homework," Harry offered as he held up his scroll. "You'd hate it in here."

"Great, you're hanging round with the loony bin now," Ron muttered, "I'll be talking to my mother about this."

"Why would Molly care?" Harry asked curiously as he tilted his head in confusion.

"Because she always needs to know what Harry's doing." Luna declared coldly, her eyes suddenly milky white, "Her and Dumbledore know everything, and do nothing but ensure the status quo remains, Lord Potter."

"Luna?" Harry asked, afraid to do much else, he'd never seen the girl act like this before. In fact, he was certain he'd never seen anyone act like this before.

"Luna's not here at the moment. Just consider me to be using her body." 'Luna' said, "I have a message from your parents, 'Live long and prosper'... Apparently, someone is a humorist."

"Or a Trekkie." Hermione offered without looking their way.

"Your mother was one," 'Luna' offered after a few minutes pause, "But the message rings true."

"I'll... remember that..." Harry offered while he heard a red-haired boy falling to the floor in a faint. A few moments later, Ron was safely secured in the compartment across the aisle, and the two elder students were trying to figure out what to make of Luna's strange behavior.

"What happened? I blacked out for a moment." Luna said as the other two students returned to their seats.

"Ron left," Harry offered, not really knowing how to explain what they had just seen. Honestly how was a socially retarded boy to explain to a girl that he barely knew that her eyes started glowing white and her voice took on an echo effect that still rang in his ears.

"Oh good, anyway, we were discussing my friend..." Luna tried evasively, causing Hermione and Harry to share an odd look as the train pulled away from the station.

Hermione was the one to gain her voice first as she leaned in, meeting Luna squarely in the eyes. "Luna... we know it was you, and you admitted as much. Did the vision mess with your memory?"

"Vision? I had a vision... Oh dear, that'll be the... How old am I again?" Luna asked curiously as she locked the door carefully, "I have them monthly you see."

"Really?" Harry asked curiously as he tucked Crookshanks back on Hermione's trunk. "That sounds useful and annoying..."

"It's caused by doing odd hypnosis tricks," Luna explained while tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Maybe you might want to lay off the tricks for a bit?" Harry suggested, remembering a warning in the self-hypnosis book he'd been reading. It hadn't seemed so dangerous in the book, but seeing it first hand was pretty frightening.

"They need to do a chapter on how only mentally unhinged people make proper prophecies," Luna observed as she gazed distantly out the window, "And I'd not use the hypnosis trick, Dumbledore won't wipe your memory any more than he already has."

"It's not just him I'm worried about, if any wizard or witch knew what we were talking about," Harry began seriously only to drift off as a bedraggled man walked past their cabin, waved to the occupants and joined the room where Ron was 'napping'. "Luna, these people have been in power for decades, if not centuries... we're just three kids and a book."

"If people thought like that, there wouldn't have been a lot of ruined tea in Boston one day," Hermione offered pointedly as she took the book from Harry. "Harry, there are writers to this book, and likely more people who have read it. We need to find them, perhaps they can help us save us all."

"Hermione, you can't be saying you want to bust open this conspiracy, can you? That sounds like trying to hunt a basilisk with our eyes taped wide open," Harry pointed out with a bitter undertone to his voice.

"Harry, if you don't bust open this conspiracy, several members of it already have you booked to lie in a shallow grave for them," Hermione pointed out bitterly, "Well, how much help was Dumbledore against your 'arch-nemesis'? And are boys your age meant to have a arch-nemesis before they've even foiled the first of the nemesis' plans?"

"I suppose not," Harry conceded as he sighed heavily. "Besides, it's not exactly like my life is ever nice and easy, is it?"

"Ever wondered why?" Hermione continued, "You're being set up to just curl up and let them watch you die. No happy childhood, no people to look up to beyond a ready-made family that will earn more from your death, if you write them into your will, then they'll earn from supporting you... A lot about your life doesn't add up."

"I just wish-" Harry started before yanking out a few pieces of scratch parchment and jotted down questions to ask trusted sources.

"Something I want you to consider..." Hermione offered with a sigh, "Sirius Black is your godfather, and probably was made to make an oath to not act to cause harm to you or act in a way that would allow harm to come to you with full knowledge of the fact. What are you being told to do with him?"

"Avoid at all costs, turn him over to the Ministry," Harry droned off with a bored tone.

"And what will they do to him when you turn him in? Throw him back into the prison system, and you'll not have a godfather who, more than likely, was framed." Hermione declared, "Yet again, they're telling you to keep away from someone who has your best interest at heart."

"Hermione, I thought we agreed that we weren't going to turn him in."

"Yes, yes, but I was making a point," She finished, "Sirius Black is a perfect example of the truth telling you one thing, but the Ministry and Dumbledore telling you the exact opposite."

"If you trust the Ministry, Sirius Black is a crazed psychopath who'll kill you on the spot. If you trust your gut, he's been framed by someone in order to ensure you're not going to be removed from under their thumb." Luna offered, "Must be a really big thumb, to have that kind of ability to put things under it."

"Hermione, I think we need a plan... the three of us are going to get out from under this thumb, and see how many we can take with us doing it," Harry stated firmly as the windows frosted over, "Strange... it wasn't supposed to be that cold today..."

"Lock the door," Luna ordered in a strangely firm voice as she pulled away from it, having forgotten she locked it earlier. Without another word, she whipped out her wand and three sealed mugs of cocoa drifted out of her trunk, settling down in front of Hermione.

"Something's coming, why is the train stopping?" Harry asked, watching as black cloaked forms drifted towards the train. A moment later, he wasn't on the train, but instead in a crib watching repeatedly as his mother is blown away in front of them.

Luna looked at the bookworm with panic stricken eyes as she clung to her knees. "Hermione, remember that no matter what, you have lived through what you are about to see... You have to be strong for us," she stated in a dark whisper before curling in on herself making little terrified whimpering sounds.

Before Hermione could ask what happening, her own mind was flooded with images of the troll in the first year, the brief glimpse of the basilisk in the second year, the horrible mental images she was filled with when she heard what Harry had gone through to save the school after she was petrified, and the various other horrors she'd been through in the past two years. However, unlike the other two, she could still function. Pushing through the pain and horror that her mind was lashing out with, she managed to focus upon the doorway, where a shadowy figure was trying to enter.

Drawing her wand, she searched her mind for any type of spell that could be used, and found that her education had been seriously lacking. Instead, she deployed a power far greater than magic, and what had seated her in Gryffindor. "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" she declared sharply as a light flared at the tip of her wand. "By Shire, you shall not harm either Harry or Luna!"

So maybe quoting the Lord of the Rings wasn't exactly the best of plans, but she had to do something. She could almost hear the 'Nazgul' as she'd taken to think of them hiss some sort of reply about being unable to be harmed by mortal man. "No mortal man am I! For I am Hermione Granger, a witch, and I will smite you if I may!"

The golden light of her wand faded slightly as particular horrid memories were built upon so that Harry died in each one, where she'd been banished from Hogwarts for the Troll incident, and several horrendous nightmare scenarios raged against her mind. Fighting against them was the simple knowledge that she knew them to be false.

Just before she lost the battle against fear, a silvery fog overtook the 'nazgul' and drove it off. Slowly she slumped to her knees as the world seemed to lose all sense of warmth, and she wondered if she would ever know warmth again. A soft rap against the door drew her attention, where she found a ragged looking man bathed in the silver glow that had driven off the terror that horrified her moments before. Reaching out she unlocked the door and allowed the coldness and darkness to claim her.

The next thing she knew was the taste of chocolate being poured into her mouth, drawing forth warmth that she had almost forgotten moments earlier. As her eyes opened, she saw the haggard looking man watching her worriedly. "That was brave, but foolish..." he mused with a tender smile as he helped her sit up. "Your friends will be fine, you took the focus off them just in time. I think both of them have a touch of the seer's gift."

"What... was..." Hermione started, only to have a mug of hot cocoa pressed to her lips, and forced to drink.

"I'm Remus J. Lupin, and what you challenged was known as a Dementor," the man explained while forcing her to drink more cocoa, the others having been given a drink moments before. "How did you know to have chocolate ready? Especially hot chocolate."

"Luna did," Hermione explained between drinks of the chocolate drink which was restoring life to her body.

Remus turned to give the others a drink of their own mugs of chocolate, which caused Hermione to worry that they weren't recovering as fast as she was. As though sensing her worry, the man explained softly. "They were hit especially hard, either they both had exceptionally hard childhoods, or they have a touch of the Seer's Gift."

Hermione bit the inside of her lower lip to keep from commenting that it was likely both, but instead she focused on her friends, that were just starting to stir again. "Before they wake... this is Luna Lovegood and Harry Potter, correct?"

"Yes," Hermione answered while draining the last drops of her drink, she had to admit that Luna did make a good cup of hot chocolate. She almost missed the twinge of guilt that had shot through the man's face as he looked over the two waking students. "I'm Hermione Granger."

"Miss Granger, I have to check the other cabins to see if other students need aid, could I impose on you to keep them drinking this chocolate?" Remus asked as he stood up, "It is entirely possible that Miss Lovegood's foresight saved the three of you today, but others may not be as fortunate."

"I understand, Mister Lupin, I'll watch over them," Hermione answered with her whole heart, knowing just how dear Harry was, and how trusting Luna had been to leave the chocolate with the bookworm. There was more here than what she was seeing, and suddenly the need for the book was far more evident than before.

As Lupin left the cabin, she knelt between her two waking friends, getting their attention enough to take a drink of the cocoa before announcing firmly. "We are going to update that book, whether or not we can find the original authors. We need to get it out with as much knowledge as possible."

The nods she got in response was all she needed to know that they were on board.


	4. Pumpkin Juice and Butterbeer

Ch4: Pumpkin Juice and Butterbeer: What Are You Really Eating?

* * *

Unbeknownst to the riders upon the train arriving at the station, there were two figures sitting under the shadows of an awning watching the arrival. "The Laws of Antiquity have been upheld... but you were rather active this time, old friend. I had thought you the observer," the first offered as their long and delicate fingers wrapped around a long stem crystal wine glass, bringing it under the shadows where it was drank from.

"There is a time to read the story, my liege, and there is a time for the characters to take control..." the other figure answered while stroking his chin. "Should I not have acted, the pawn would have taken the role of the third... As with Master Bux, he needed a book to make the right decisions. The amount of times he stole that book, when he only needed to ask me, and I'd have told him it's his by right..."

"I applaud trading the Black Pawn for the White Queen," the first commented as it set down the goblet, a small crystal ball appearing next to it. "She is... gifted..."

"You know how I'm fond of white queens with my heroes." The older man said with a chuckle, "Be sure, when he does visit you, and he will, to be on the right side... Anyway, I have a 'daughter' to greet on the station floor. Meet again later, unless... She is also attending..."

"They will not allow her as she is not... 'pure'," the golden haired man stated with a frown as he stood and set a little pile of gold upon the table. "I hope that will change."

"Eowyn Eilonwy Ende, also known as Moonchild, also known as the current White Queen's cousin, would like her best friend to attend school." The white haired man replied, "We'll be over at term break as usual."

"Until then, my friend," the man stated with a smirk as he vanished behind a light post, getting a rueful shake out of his friend. A second later, he turned to look at the students filing out of the train towards the various carriages that were awaiting them.

* * *

Harry sighed as he looked at the various students milling about the Great Hall, preparing for the feast. It was almost depressing to see how segregated all the students were. Other and Luna and themselves, all the students were breaking off into groups that were almost exclusively their housemates. If it weren't for the three of them sitting at a side table by the fireplace, there would have been no interactions between the houses. "Well this is rather disappointing..."

"But it's been the way for years," Luna offered dryly, "But that's a discussion for another time. One of my cousins always told me that kind of thing."

"Harry... would you care for some milk or water? Or how about some orange juice?" Hermione asked as she peeked out of the book. "I'm also somewhat worried about what we are actually being fed..."

"Ahh, we're onto that chapter." Luna offered, getting out a set of plastic boxes and a flask, "Always carry around some handmade food and drink because, well, do you see any farming or arable land near to Hogwarts?"

"South-side of Hogsmeade is meant to be the land growing the majority of the food served at Hogwarts," Hermione explained with a heavy sigh as she shook her head. "Also, they import the remainder from France and other places on the continent. Is that trail mix?"

"Let's see what the book says." Harry declared, "According to the book, the Wizarding World heavily uses imported foods and magically grown crops. However, this is very much likely a falsehood, since in depth investigations have revealed that the consumption levels of the average wizard are nearly triple of any amount of food that they can grow. This leads to the suspicions that they are covering for something."

"Think about this, Hermione... What happens to all the food that isn't eaten by the time that Dumbledore claims the Feast is over? Well, it's still very much fit for human consumption." Luna offered, "But it's conjured away and goes to, seemingly, waste."

Hermione shook her head as she pulled out Hogwarts: A History, turning to a page in the middle. "According to Hogwarts: A History-"

"Ahh, the biggest propaganda tool going about Hogwarts policy." Harry declared, cutting her off, "You do know that's written by the same people who claim the Ministry is legal?"

"May I continue?" Hermione asked sharply while glaring at Harry. "Thank you. According to this book, the food is given over to House Elves, who then in turn recycle it for future use. You don't want to know about what they do with human waste."

"Ooh, are you sure?" Harry offered while smirking a challenge, "For a change, there's a grain of truth in what's there."

A brief moment of looking around later, he motioned for them to follow as he led the way towards the kitchens. "Alright, Hermione, tell me what you don't see here. Consider the time," Harry challenged while waving to indicate the area.

"Food cooking, the elves bustling, and anything resembling storage areas," Hermione listed off, "You know, anything to indicate that they're making food for a feast about to happen. Is that Dobby playing poker over in the corner there?"

"Drop 10 galleons in the pot," Harry whispered to a passing elf, who accepted the coins and dropped them in the middle of the poker game, "They might not get paid that often, but it's the closest I get to paying him."

"He's bonded to you, isn't he?" Luna asked suspiciously as the hand was won by Dobby.

"Yes, but that doesn't make him any better or worse at gambling." Harry countered, "Anyway, I challenge you, before the beginning of the feast, to find the feast."

"No deal," Hermione answered with a shake of her head as she started to lead them away. "Harry, mind if I have Hedwig send a letter to my parents? I believe they might have some rations coming due in the survival shelter..."

"It has been found that there is no sign of any of the food or drink consumed by wizards or witches prior to its consumption, and it has been found that you could ask a house elf to prepare a feast for a thousand people and they'd have the entire thing done in less than a hour." Harry read from the book, "This strongly suggests that food for wizards and witches pretty much does not exist."

"Would explain why wizards eat enough to feed a family of six in a single meal, and still remain thin enough to walk around," Hermione muttered as she lead the way up into the school proper. "Feel like skipping the meal?"

"Dobby!" Harry called, for the house elf to appear, and Harry opened a wallet, and got out a 20 pound note, "I want you to go to Tesco's, I want a receipt, and get me, Hermione and Luna here something for our meal shortly, we'll be in the common room."

"Your Hermy and Loony in the Gryffy common room? Would you not rather eat in the come and go room?" Dobby asked as he looked over the note with a confused look for a moment before vanishing.

"He'll figure out muggle money eventually," Harry observed with a shrug and a heavy sigh, "I always have to check the change and that he actually bought it."

Dobby popped back in with a huge grin, holding out the change to Harry. "Two Pizzas are being cooked, they asked if you wanted dipping sauce."

"Yup, two pizzas, good good." Harry declared, "I actually like to know my food is actually going to exist."

"Harry... you told him to go to Tesco, why is he holding a receipt for a pizzeria in Chicago?" Hermione asked while pointing to the slip of paper in Dobby's hand.

"I told him to go to Sainsbury's, he went to Wal-Mart in Louisiana somehow," Harry countered with a lame shrug to his shoulder. "I'll try to teach him directions sometime."

"I think he's got it down already," Luna offered with a slight giggle to her voice as she whispered into Dobby's ear. He popped out and reappeared with a milkshake, giving her a couple of coins back. "Yay!"

"Anyway, let's get back to trying to understand the latest myth in the wizarding world." Harry tried while they followed the house elf towards wherever he was leading them. "Dobby, where does the food come from?"

"We turns the brown goop into food!" Dobby cried out proudly while passing back and forth in front of a picture. "The wizards give us the brown goop."

"Dobby, thank you, now go watch a movie," Harry declared, "I think Gremlins is on somewhere."

"But your pizzas..." Dobby offered nervously as he wrung his hands. "The Great and Powerful Harry Potter needs to eat..."

"OK, when the pizzas are done deliver them to us, then go watch a movie, for now, go fleece someone at poker," Harry ordered, giving Dobby another ten quid. "Make me a hundred and I'll let you clean my laundry."

"Dobby will make you a hundred, but he gets to do laundry and tidy your bed," Dobby countered with a shifty look to his eyes. "And make sure sneaky weasel doesn't take The Great and Powerful Harry Potter's things."

"Right, you're using your house elf to cheat at poker." Hermione sighed, looking at the sky, "You do know you're filthy rich, right?"

"So does Caesar's Palace. Anyway, He's not cheating, and I'm not using him to do so... Actually, that is all him. He likes to play it, the others do as well. He visits the Strip every couple of weeks," Harry explained with a heavy sigh as he shrugged helplessly. "I have to order him to take these vacations, just so I can have time to myself."

"I think actually he only needed to be ordered once," Luna observed, "The other times, he probably went because he kept winning."

"So... we know that Hogwarts food is... strange... what do we think happens with the stuff they make in Wizarding homes?" Hermione asked, getting back to the subject at hand.

"Oh, that's actually food," Harry offered, "I actually did shopping with Molly once last summer... she shops at a farmer's market in Ottery St. Catchpole. It's only in fully magical areas that they don't have any actually active farmland or similar to rely on."

"So we only have to worry about her 'special ingredients' now," Luna stated with a hint of bitterness to her voice. "At least the twins have counter potions, or I would be... 'delightful'."

"Within normal communities, a wizard or witch can be seen to shop normally, admittedly being very easy to fleece. According to a farmer who lives nearby to a magical family, they actually pay a ten percent mark-up and normally buy at least twice what a normal family would need," Harry read out loud as the pizza suddenly appeared on the table between them. "This family is suspected to be highly wasteful, and lacking modern muggle storage methods."

"Pretty much normal for wizards." Hermione observed, "How much food does Molly cook in an average meal?"

"Per person? Six eggs, one full side of bacon, a dozen sausages, three potatoes' worth of hash browns, and a full pot of tea," Harry listed off with a disgusted tone to his voice. "Remember that I would give a good bit to Hedwig? She'd share with the other owls."

"I'd get a box, stick a preserving charm on the food, send it to a crime lab, if they find it to be sound, keep the food safe and you'll have meals for a couple of days." Luna suggested while Hermione blinked at realizing just how much she had been expected to eat. "Ronald ate most of your food, didn't he?"

"Ron will eat that spread, and ask for seconds," Hermione commented darkly as she munched on a slice of anchovy pizza. "Harry, do they mention anything about meat?"

"Apparently, there is actually some measure of meat content in the food that is even mass produced... And there's a really good recipe for butterbeer here that is basically to take a lump of butter add it to a pile of hops, and brew your own beer. Firewhiskey's... napalm?"

"Well, apparently, the USMMC use firewhiskey bottles as an alternative to firebombs. Russians have not changed their policy on the bottles at all. They actually call Firewhiskey 'Molotov' in Russia." Luna observed while lounging on the couch. "Oh and Pumpkin Juice? It's basically mashed up pumpkin with sugar dumped on top, and then strained."

"OK, this has gone on long enough, I think the feast is over, I'm going to go pretend I actually attended and head for bed." Hermione offered bitterly as she pushed herself up.

"Hermione, they haven't even finished the sorting yet," Harry pointed out dryly.

"Damn, How long have we been discussing food so far?" Hermione muttered, "It felt like hours."

"About an hour now," Harry commented while a Monopoly board game appeared before them, along with two litres of soda. The receipt was taped to the side of the bottle, along with a note to enjoy.

"Do you feel like we only discussed drink for the sake of it?" Luna wondered.

"We can go into it more if you'd like," Harry offered with a shrug, "Honestly, the thoughts of the origins of food just... killed the urge to talk about it."

"No, I want to go onto the next chapter." Luna offered, "That and get a magically shielded TV and a VHS player in here..."

As though the room had been waiting for that very command, the items appeared, along with a selection of videos, ranging from Disney films to romantic comedies.

"Heads or Tails. Heads, we actually deign to attend classes, Tails, we just hunker down in here and hope no-one notices we skipped out." Luna offered, tossing a coin into the air.

As the spinning disc of metal shimmered in the light while twirling through the air, six eyes watched in eager anticipation. As it landed upon Luna's open palm, she slammed it onto the back of her other hand and smiled widely into the distance. "What shall it be?"


	5. Do Wizards Know Merlin?

Ch 5: Do Wizards Even Know Merlin?

* * *

"So, can you see why your suggestion of skipping class during the Greeting Feast was foolish, Luna?" Hermione supplied as she took a sip from the glass of water that Dobby had left for her at the seat in the Great Hall. "All three of us are high profile students at school, so our absences would have been noticed right away."

"I still say that we can get away with one or two classes taught in our room instead of the classroom," Luna countered with a pout as she joined them at what had became referred to as 'The Potter Club Area', for Harry would let anyone sit with him so long as they respected others. The fact that he forced Ron to sit elsewhere more than once because he refused to behave had lent some credence to the neutrality claims. The fact that most of the time Hermione would gladly offer help with any homework issues regardless of grade meant that while not popular, others occasionally joined them. "Besides, doesn't it feel like we've been stuck on that flip for nearly three-fourths of a year?

Today seemed to be one of those days in which they were being left alone, but perhaps that could be tracked to the fact they were having fresh salad and prepackaged sandwiches instead of the fried chicken and sides that the others were having. The other students seemed to avoid them when they had healthier lunch choices than those of the rest of the school. Comments from Luna like the one she'd just given didn't necessarily help matters in that regard.

"Tell me, Ron, what do you know of the following names?" Harry asked curiously as their year mate joined them at the seat with a few plateful of food, "Myriddin Wyllt, Gwydion fab Dôn, and Caledfwlch? If you tell me something interesting, I'll give you a chocolate frog for each fact."

"Wait, wait, I know this one… umm… Myriddin is… umm… he's someone famous, and Gwydion… uhh… I think Caledfwlch defeated the goblins during the last wars," Ron tried helplessly to draw the information that just didn't seem to be in his head. Much like how he attempted with most of his homework assignments.

Harry nodded as he looked over his notes previously gathered to confirm something before rolling the list back up. "Thank you, Ron, remind me to give you the frogs after we get back to the dorms tonight."

"No problem!" Ron agreed with joy as hey he was getting free candy. Hermione looked at Harry with a confused look. This seemed to have been one of those moments they had agreed to let Ron remain their friend for. Testing what the average wizard would know with their upbringing in the Magical World.

Other reasons included that while they suspected Ron was working for those with vested interest in them remaining oblivious to the truth, they had no solid proof. Honestly, he seemed more likely a hapless pawn in their games than any knowing conspirator.

"OK, now, let's give the proper answers," Harry continued gravely as Ron got lost in his meal, "I'd have probably hexed him if he'd said the third one was a sandwich type."

"He does seem to think about food all too often." Luna sighed, "-wich usually means 'food' to him."

"No way, Loo- Luna, you and Hermione are witches," Ron explained in between plates, Harry, Luna and Hermione facepalming, having learned since the last time Harry had forced him to leave due to talking with his mouth full of food. "Besides, I think Cal- whatever was on a limited edition Chocolate Frog card of Merlin… I have it at home."

"Excuse me for a moment." Harry said, before calling out, "I would like to organize a Chocolate Frog swap meet right now, anyone want to do it with me?"

The reaction was immediate, with even Ron going and getting a large pile. As he was gone, he went to Hermione, giving her a list. "Go through the cards, supposedly to check if I have them, but actually check them against what you know of each wizard, and mark off any that are completely accurate." Harry explained, "I'll need it for later."

Harry meanwhile pulled out his meager supply of cards that he hadn't been actively adding to, yet still amassed more than a few just from the boxes of them that were missing the frogs he'd collected due to Ron's appetite for the frog itself, and the single minded focus the boy had for the two he was missing.

"Harry, we have a limited edition of Circe, Cho says she'll trade it for two Dumbledores and your second copy of Hengist of Woodcroft," Hermione called out as she held up the card, acting as the go-between.

Hermione scanned the cards as they were exchanged, making some notes in the large sheaf of paper that was the list, a frown crossing her face. Luna commented on a few notes that had been light on information, but overall it was ignored once it was revealed that Susan Bones had a gold card of Morgan le Fay and an ultra-rare ruby of Merlin. She was offered a trio of silver cards, Cliodna, Bowman Wright, and Dzou Yen, for them, but she refused the offer until a later meeting.

"Umm, Luna, we have a Celeste Lovegood here…" one of the Ravenclaws stated, "You can have it, no trade, as long as you promise not to try and return it…"

"Thank you." Luna stated, "Does anyone have a James or Lily Potter?"

"No, they haven't made that run yet," one of the others said as they looked at the Ruby Gryffindor, Emerald Slytherin, Sapphire Ravenclaw, and Topaz Hufflepuff card that was being shown by Professor Sinistra, one that she wasn't even willing to consider trading.

"After a decade, they still haven't…." Harry muttered, banging his head.

"Excuse me, Harry?" Susan asked as she and Hannah Abbot walked over. "We need a person to act as an adjunct for a trade between me and a senior student."

Harry caught the frown on Luna's face as she looked squarely at the senior student. Hermione gave him a thumbs up, showing that she had some cards she wanted to look closer at, though for some reason he still felt uneasy. "What do I have to do as an adjunct?" Harry asked, stalling for time.

"Check that the cards are genuine, the trade is a fair one, and that neither party is being influenced… that kind of thing." Susan offered with a hapless shrug as she looked back at the older Hufflepuff. "It's not normally needed for cards, but the specific ones we're talking about require a neutral party, and as you called this meeting…"

"Can a team work together?" Harry asked, seeing an opening to ensure his security and taking it for once. A tactic that had been drilled into his head since they began reading the book. If one of them were being asked to do something out of the ordinary, then at least one of the others should be around as well.

"We were hoping, since you have Hermione checking your cards, she could come as well," Susan offered with a warm smile of understanding, "I wouldn't mind looking at her notes, since a mutual friend might want to look at them."

That tripped an alarm bell in Harry's brain, one that echoed with Luna looking at her suspiciously. Harry took a step back, while his hand drifted into his sleeve where his wand was holstered. "Luna, what do you think?"

"Chapter six is a bit light on spells," Luna supplied as Hermione's quill was replaced by her wand, which she used to drift a card back to its owner.

"I'd prefer Chapter Eight for getting more spells," Susan answered softly as she glanced towards where Dumbledore was approaching the gathering with his own sizeable stack of cards. "Could we meet in the Hufflepuff Common Room say about an hour after the last class?"

"Of course." Harry answered with a nod, "We'll be busy with Dumbledore's cards for the rest of lunch… and probably a while afterwards… Luna and Hermione can iron out any details for the meeting."

"Until then, Harry," Susan agreed with a smile as she and Hannah walked away to look at cards closer to Hermione.

"Ah, Harry my boy," Dumbledore greeted as he began deploying his cards for inspection on a table nearby, "I must say I appreciate the trading session of cards, it is so good to see students take active roles in economic policies. Have you been asked to act as an adjunct? It is a rare honor for something like cards, but not unheard of."

"Yes, and I'll deal with it after classes are done for the day." Harry declared, "For now, may we get back to our research? It was somewhat related to the cards, and you don't have any that interest me."

"Of course, Harry, but should you need a reference for the pricing of the cards, I believe there is a book in the library," Dumbledore offered as he stroked his beard, setting out an ultra-rare copy of himself, this one with a stationary picture. "Also… the Dementors haven't come after you or Ms. Lovegood since the incident on the train, have they? They are notorious for not letting anyone escape once they were targeted."

"Mind if we discuss this after my meeting this evening?" Harry almost growled, "We have to finish this research before class."

"Considering all your teachers are currently trading? I believe it might be understandable should classes be delayed…" Dumbledore indicated the other teachers all trading at the outer edges of the congregation. "Ah, excuse me, it seems Minerva has a card I've been looking for recently."

"Could we possibly have classes be cancelled for the rest of the day?" Ron asked, for Dumbledore to look thoughtful, and walk off to make the announcement, with only a short stop with his assistant Headmistress to get her approval. A moment later, drinks were being supplied for the students to enjoy.

"OK, Hermione, so far, how many of the cards were grossly inaccurate or missed key details that you know about the witches and wizards on them?" Harry asked quietly while appearing to look over the quartet of gemstone cards of the Founders.

Hermione paused a moment to look over her notes before letting out a heavy sigh and shaking her head. "Harry… the basic cards are almost universally superficial."

"And what key historical figures do we learn about in History Of Magic?" Harry continued.

"In the book? Several dozens, however in class we only learn about the ones famous for the Goblin Wars, or that we ask about directly," Hermione answered with a frown.

"A survey was done of 100 wizards and 100 witches about several universally famous wizards and witches of English descent. Only a few of them actually managed to give any real details that were confirmable by non-magical sources, and most of the information they did give could easily be debunked by actual research," Harry quoted as they pulled away from the gathering to take a sip of water. "The scores were worse for non-English magical folk."

"Basically, the only facts that they know about magical celebrities come from the Chocolate Frog Cards, which is why…" Hermione began, for Harry to nod, "...which are superficial at worst, and barely useful for real research at best."

"Unless you have all the cards of one person," Harry observed as he pointed to the notes. "The cards are purposely scarce on information, I suspect the editors do it for an intentional reason."

"However, even with all the cards for a person, I found several dozen things I learned from reading… mundane books containing them, and there's far too much that is pure waffle, like the comment on the Dumbledore card about his interests in chamber music and ten-pin bowling… both of which mean absolutely nothing of historical value."

"But it does provide a personal interest aspect…" Harry argued with a devious smile before letting out a soft chuckle "Those clever… clever… oh impressive… it's like finding an article on Queen Elizabeth the Second in a teen magazine, Hermione, they have to appeal to the reader."

"Back to the book… If you used Merlin's real name in front of any wizard or witch, they'd look at you blankly, but every mundane-born has at least heard of him as Myrrdin."

"Not every mundane-born… I wouldn't have aside from the book, and I suspect many who don't know the original legends would…" Harry explained with a thoughtful expression on his face.

"But it's more than possible to link Merlin with Myrrdin, while no-one in the magical world even thinks to." Hermione retorted, before asking thoughtfully, "Now, who were the other two of the three people you challenged Ron to know?"

"One of the original Welsh Druids, famous in the mundane world, but barely known by modern wizard society… and you know the third one."

"The third one was a trick." Hermione retorted, as she realized what it was, "It's not a person!"

"I said to tell me something about the names, not that they were people," Harry explained with a devious smirk. "Did I not?"

"Most magicals do not even think that wizards and witches have Welsh, Cornish or Gaelic names, and only use the most common transliterated name, with no wizard's name known in modern history having anglicised names. A most egregious example is Lucius Malfoy, whose last name is suspected to be an anglicised version of Malfois."

"Yet, there is one name that is published in the opening chapter, that none here would know, save maybe as their former student," Harry mused as Luna held up a fake card for the others to look at. "Tom Marvolo Riddle…"

"That's covered in the supplemental chapter," Harry explained in continuation, "We'll cover him after we've dealt with the actual legends."

"No need to, Harry, I've read the chapters, remember?" Hermione agreed as she pulled out a new scroll and marked something down on it. "Any luck with your influence on the publishing house?"

"Not really." Harry sighed.

"By the way, Harry, Hermione? Don't you think it odd that our meeting was arranged so quickly?" Luna asked as she rejoined them for refreshments. "It's only early October, and already we found a link to deeper into the book's lessons.

"I think it was because someone noticed we've been at it for weeks, and were hoping we'd get somewhere faster with some help." Hermione offered cautiously.

Harry nodded in agreement before letting out a soft laugh, "Our sudden change in diets probably didn't help hide things either."

"Knowledge has to be acted upon in the proper timeframe," Luna chided with a warm smile as she looked at the distraction they had created. "The meeting should provide us with a lot…"


	6. People You Should Know Better

Ch 5a: The-Boy-Who-Lived, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, and other people who you really should know better... or at least they probably should have known better.

* * *

"It would seem that you have a fair trade," Hermione stated as she looked over the listed prices for the cards, having subtly taken notes upon the details the cards had provided.

"As you can probably guess, this wasn't the only reason we called you here." Susan declared, "We've found the information even on the rarest cards does not… correlate with what you can find out just doing research."

"We figured as much… and that other student does not actually attend this school," Harry stated calmly as he nodded towards the other student who had her back to Luna Lovegood, while Hermione was behind Hannah and Susan. "Let's just say that we have reasons for meeting with you, aside from judging trades."

"How many Chocolate Frog cards have been printed to celebrate the people who were pivotal in the defeat of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, who was infamously known for attacking the printers of the cards because they printed the 'wrong name' on his sample card?" The other student asked.

"Let's cut it short, call him Tom," Harry suggested, "All we'd need for this conversation is a Dick and we'd be set, oh waiiit… Tom is one."

"So did the printer of the card." The other student said, tossing a slightly damaged card marked 'Sample only' on the back, and "Tom Marvolo Riddle" with a scowling young man on the front, "Don't ask where I got it from."

"I won't, but what is your name? The truth, if you please," Hermione asked from her vantage point.

"Tonks Black." The girl stated.

"She said honest, Nympha-" Luna started with a light, airy tone before she was cut off by an arm growing out of the 'student's' back and capping a hand over her mouth.

"You will refer to me as Tonks Black, or I will hex you to the middle of next term." Tonks stated, "I'm hoping to get in good with Sirius Black by finding out what is the reason his case is still open to get it permanently changed to that."

"But that does not make sense, seeing as your father was a Tonks, not your mother…" Luna explained as she looked towards Hermione questioningly, "Would that work?"

"What about wizards makes sense, especially names? Try to find a Harry Potter chocolate frog card, and you can't. Try to find a Boy-Who-Lived chocolate frog card, and you could get one for 10,000 galleons on the trade market, but you'd need to pay in cash and in person. Only 1000 were made to celebrate the fall of Voldemort, and all of them look only passingly like the real person, looking more like a young parody of his father instead."

"They don't know me, why should I be upset that I do not have a card for something my parents did to save my life?" Harry asked seriously as his eyes narrowed.

Tonks took out a wizarding photograph of an ultra rare card, showing it them.

"The Boy Who Lived - Born: 1980

The boy who defeated Voldemort when he was only a child, he is known more for his accomplishments in continuing to foster global peace and unity between the various groups of wizards and witches, while championing their cause wherever they may be threatened." Harry read off the back of the photographed card, as the pompously overblown clone of himself preened on the front.

"Don't let it get to you, Harry," Hermione ordered calmly as her wand switched out of her holder. "They do not know you, and we are going to change things."

"Notice something that it doesn't mention at all? Muggles or Muggleborns. It suggests that the Boy Who Lived, when he arrives in the Wizarding World, would be happy to see how much wizards lord it over muggles, and would find them to be just as quaint and worthless as them. Which is utter bollocks." Tonks stated, then destroyed the picture, gleeful as the image of the false Harry panicked, "Anyway, Notice something about how they portray you? They have a idealized view of you, and most of the cards are full of similar propaganda."

"Yes, that is something we have noticed," Hermione agreed as she lowered her wand. "Did you noticed the publisher's mark that the rarer cards held versus the more public ones? Also look at the Harry Potter cards…"

"You found some?" Tonks asked in surprise, "They're meant to have been printed as a common release, but you'll almost never find one in reality. The discussion in the trade market says they never printed them at all."

"I meant upon the picture you showed us," Hermione explained as she pulled out some common cards, "Look in the lower left corner."

"Hmm… The anti-copying spell mark? The only reason that the photograph worked is that it's from the company's press release docket." Tonks asked, getting out a card, muttering at it before putting it down, the card being a rare copy of herself, which had just the word 'Tonks' for the name.

"Notice that the rarer ones actually would work?" Hermione asked curiously as she tapped the one on the common card.

"Explain." Tonks asked, confused.

"The common ones lack certain lines to ensure that the copying needs to be done by people of the same magical signature, while the rare ones have the proper marks."

"Hmm…" Tonks said, taking out a eyeglass, "Also, the tiny picture of the Ministry symbol is static on the common cards, but works like a muggle hologram, which is how it should work, on the rare ones."

"Speaking of the Ministry… How are they bribing you to be here?"

"None of your business… Well, actually, the Ministry don't know I'm here." Tonks admitted sheepishly, "McGonagall is aware something's suspect about me, but apparently, all magical artifacts are notoriously easy to Confound. The school register lists me as Pandora White, a muggleborn orphan from Glasgow."

"Susan, does your aunt know of the book?" Harry asked suddenly, cutting through the vagueness.

"Both my aunt and Tonks here know of the book. My aunt was part of how Tonks here got out of her other duties." Susan admitted.

"And she was the one who gave me the cover name. Said that I shouldn't close the box until it's run its course, whatever she meant by that." Tonks huffed, "Only thing in the box she gave me as part of my cover identity was that blasted book."

"And I'm just along because I read the book while Susan was in the bathroom once," Hannah explained with a shrug.

"I have it set with a charm to check… A dozen times in the past week, Hannah." Susan corrected, "And you've read it almost cover-to-cover every time, only skipping the 15th chapter."

"Well they do say that I'm not supposed to read it," Hannah explained with a slight blush. "I promise, I don't want to use it against you or… that other girl you hang out with from the other house…"

"You can read the fifteenth chapter if you want." Tonks offered, "It's designed as a chapter to cover what purebloods don't want to read about."

Hannah promptly got out a dog-eared copy, and found the right chapter, glancing through it. "OHHH! Now I understand." She said, closing it and getting a glare from Susan, who took the book off her.

"We'll discuss my 'friend' later, Hannah, and your taking this book out of my trunk while we're on it," Susan snarled as she tucked the book into her robes.

Tonks reached into a bag, muttering a spell, before handing Hannah a copy of the book, then she handed Susan a copy. "Harry, check your copy. If it has a image of the Dark Mark on the cover, touch it, and say the first word that comes into your head. It'll change into a copy of the Standard Book of Spells, until you say the word while touching the same spot. Don't forget what word you used."

"No… it's not," Harry and Hermione chimed in at once, having seen a different image, but not that of the Standard Book of Spells.

Tonks did the same as she did with Susan and Hannah. "Destroy your current copies. Those are more recent printings… Well, someone got the idea off a group of nutjobs whose map was useless unless you used a code phrase on it." Tonks admitted, "Don't know who they meant."

"Yes… I can see the truth of that," Hermione stated, however her grip on the wand tightened. "But we are NOT destroying that copy…"

"You can check the copy I gave yo-" Tonks stated.

"We ARE NOT destroying a copy of any books, understand?" Hermione snarled out as she gave a glare that would have AK'd most wizards or witches on the spot.

"Hermione, it's the exact same book, just a later printing." Harry pleaded, "I checked the chapters we've read, and it's the same content!"

"No, Harry, I am not destroying a book, it will NOT happen," Hermione stressed darkly as her hair began to flare out behind her.

"Well, how about we put the old copy in a nice secure place in your trunk, and use the copy with the protective charm when we're reading it in public?" Luna offered, "You can keep it perfectly safe, no chance of it being destroyed because it's out of date…"

Hermione looked annoyed, but backed down, tapping the parody of the Dark Mark, satisfied that it had turned into a copy of the most generic book in their entire book collection apparently, before returning it to normal.

"OK, I'll keep the old copy in my trunk, we'll use the… new… copy since we can even leave it out and not worry about errant weasels." Hermione grumbled, "But no-one's destroying any books."

Susan handed Hermione the dog-eared copy she had, Hermione smiling as she pocketed it for also securing against nasty book-destroying heathens. Luna meanwhile looked at Harry, wondering why he just looked like he had faced down the demonic representation of death itself whispering sweet nothings in his ear while drizzling caramel sauce over his chest.

"Harry, Luna, would you like your own copies, or will you share with Hermione?" Tonks asked.

"I have one from my mother," Luna explained, "With a better protection on it than yours."

"I'll take one," Harry explained as he realized he just lost the copy he'd been given by Mr. Coreander all of two months ago to Hermione. Oddly, when he got back to the common room that evening, he found that the book had already disappeared, as if he'd never got it in the first place. A fact that Hermione was livid over, judging by the fact Ron was hiding behind the couch in an effort to avoid her gaze.

"Hermione, I heard that there is a sale at the bookshop in Hogsmeade next weekend…" Harry offered as he walked up to her. "How about I have the goblins forward you some gold and you have some fun?"

"We should be done with Chapter 7 by then…" Hermione declared cryptically, and the situation with the book was forgotten.


	7. The Knife's Edge

For those eagerly awaiting Chapter 6 of the book... I'm sorry, this Interlude came up when I was attempting the first writing of the chapter, and I couldn't leave it be. I do apologize for the swearing in this chapter, I hope it doesn't offend the readers too much. I might have more of these to move the story along, but hopefully not many. Without further adieu, here's -

* * *

Interlude - The Knife's Edge

* * *

"Mudblood bint!" a Slytherin student called out to the jeers of his house, however Hermione simply turned upon them with a knowing smile.

"Sorry, but unlike what you're implying, I do not carry a now extinct sickness that would literally turn your blood to mud. However, it should be noted that those of Pureblood nature actually have a higher chance of developing this disease due to family history," Hermione explained in a calm, calculated manner, which seemed to confuse the pureblood group that had been teasing her. "Also, you may wish to watch your language, isn't that right, Professor McGonagall?"

"Quite right Ms. Granger, ten points for deft handling of a potentially volatile situation. As for you, Ms. Bulstrode… You lost twenty points, and another five from each of your housemates that are with you, and each of you shall have detention with me, tonight, after classes. I am afraid you will be missing dinner," the Deputy headmistress stated as she walked around the corner that Hermione had been heading towards. The shocked look upon the assembled students' faces as they'd been Snape'd was impressive to say the least, the smug smirk on McGonagall's face as she escorted Hermione out of the area was one that would be burned into the mind of everyone that could see it.

"Ms. Granger, might I ask where you learned the history of that term?" the professor asked once they were more or less alone, just the two of them, the assorted house elves, and the various paintings hanging on the wall.

"It was in a very old medical textbook I read when I was bored one day," Hermione explained with a slight blush, "Well, how often do I have to spend ages in Madame Pomfrey's ward when I'm not sick?"

"Mr. Potter's rather good ability to not die of normally fatal injuries notwithstanding, I understand." McGonagall chuckled, "25 points to Gryffindor for doing revision during periods of convalescence."

"Thank you, professor," Hermione offered with a faint blush touching her cheeks. "I wonder when they confused the meaning of the word though… it seems like such a foolish thing to do."

"I think it's because the current meaning is that someone has dirty blood, when…" McGonagall began, sighing, before casting a spell, "May we be frank? I don't like to discuss my own opinions, especially when most of what I say gets back to Snape and corrupted."

"Corrupted?" Hermione asked, curious.

"Think about how you can't possibly get anything to stick to a Slytherin where punishment is involved." McGonagall began, slumping in a nearby chair, "I'm tired, Ms. Granger, I'm tired of working my fingers to the bone to attempt to be the Deputy Headmistress when all my power has been usurped by Dumbledore's Grand Vizier."

Hermione nodded, having read books like Arabian Nights that dealt with the noble leader with the silver-tongued Grand Vizier who turned all their good intentions to ash. "Let me guess… Those points you took off from Millicent will be awarded back for some supposed potions success in Snape's class, while he'll take away the award you gave me for research several times over?"

McGonagall nodded. "A Slytherin uses those… corrupted words, he or she might get a in-school suspension. A Gryffindor or Ravenclaw insults the honor of a Slytherin, and they get a week's suspension and a letter to their parents with possibly a fine. I've seen it happen." She explained, "Mr. Potter's parents were lucky in that Mr Potter has enough money and influence to not get tarred with the same brush as everyone else who took on a Slytherin."

"And that was before the corruption took its deep roots that it has now," a tired voice stated from a portrait on the wall. Turning they found a bearded man with a worn look on his face watching them. "Salazar Slytherin at your service, m'lady, a pleasure to meet such an enlightened witch."

"Excuse me for a moment." McGonagall stated before conjuring a small bottle and muttering a spell and removing a strand of some silvery substance from her head, and placing it in the bottle, "I want to remember that for the rest of my life."

"Oh Minerva, you said that about the first time we met as well, remember?" Salazar commented with a worn smile.

"I'll check my memories later. I have forgotten many things over the years, not all of them intentionally," McGonagall muttered, almost growling, "Ms. Granger, I will teach you that spell, and I want you to get used to bottling your favorite memories."

"I… already know how, Professor, I picked it up from a spell book that Madam Pomfrey had… but I would enjoy some extra lessons," Hermione answered nervously, a little off-kilter due to having one of the founders, let alone the known mundane hater complimenting her. "Forgive me, sir, but… don't you…"

"Hate Muggles as they say? Hardly, just uneducated louts that did not know their place," Salazar explained with a snort. "Sadly, at that time, most Mundane-born students were illiterate. Prior to our parting, we spent first year teaching most of them how to read, and behave like nobles so as to fit in with the Wizarding World better."

"Before we continue, I suspect that 'Mudblood' became an insult, like 'bint' admittedly, due to the creation of the term 'Pureblood'," McGonagall offered.

"Quite right." Salazar agreed with a deep chuckle, "If their blood is pure as pure can be, then clearly there must be some impurity in mundane-born bloodlines that makes them so 'impure', so they call them 'Mudbloods'."

"However, wouldn't it be a matter of thinning the bloodlines?" Hermione asked as she got over the shock of having this discussion with Salazar Slytherin and Professor McGonagall. "As you say, they want to have 'purity' of blood, which means they want the blood thick with magical potential. However, I noticed that those with mixed blood seem to have more power, though less control."

"In the time of Merlin and Nimue, they were good conversationalists…." Salazar stated before returning to the conversation at hand, "Magical bloodlines were very powerful, and strong. However, the problem is how many things the modern magical citizen considers as 'half-blood' or worse. One of the most powerful magical bloodlines is that of the Coreander bloodline, whose females are almost constantly of an unknown fey bloodline, while the males are always muggle-born. They would be called mudbloods by a member of my fallen house, since fey are dirty blood, since they are not human and not descended from a very small family tree, that is only getting smaller."

"Quite, I do so enjoy the books that have gotten through the ministry's censorship of magic to circulate in the mundane society," McGonagall agreed with a grin of her own as she turned over a bookcase to reveal several novels, "Mr. Tolkien's portrayal of the fall of Pompeii was rather impressive, though Mr. Lewis was barely passing the standards."

"Mr. Lewis was employing the work of a seer, and we haven't yet reached the end of his story, and we won't for many years," Salazar stated as he poured out a glass of wine for himself, "He managed to make the story of the Bible a much more interesting read, didn't he just?"

Hermione looked confused, then shock crossed her face as she realized who Aslan was really meant to represent. "Oh my God!"

"Exactly," Salazar agreed with a knowing smirk. "There was a time we used those books to convert hard Christians to accepting lessons here."

"Pardon me, but how do you know of these works?" Hermione asked in confusion as she realized something else wrong with this scenario.

"That is another story and will be told another time," Salazar quoted with a laugh as he took a sip of his wine. "But enough of this dithering, I have been watching you and that wonderful boy you are companions with, I would have been proud to have had the chance to instruct either of you."

"Thank you, sir, but…" Hermione started as she felt a chill run up her spine.

"Indeed, I have watched many of your adventures, I'm sorry about my old guard snake by the way, I had left orders for her to guard the castle and protect her students, sadly one of my descendants perverted those orders," Salazar explained with a scowl forming upon his face. "But that is neither here, nor there, I have asked for this chance to meet with you through your Head of House to warn you. Take the lesson she offered today, and be sure to share it with those you trust. The book you are reading must not be learned of. Oh yes, and don't worry about the missing copy. It went back to its previous owner."

"Curiouser and curiouser," Hermione mused as she sifted through all this information.

"Be careful of rabbit holes," Salazar offered with a smirk of his own, "Although you are more Cheshire cat than March hare."

"I suppose it might be about time to teach you some other magic, perhaps some advanced Transfiguration lessons," Professor McGonagall suggested as the scene grew misty, and the world reverted to Harry and Hermione kneeling in front of a basin, looking at each other over it.

"Hermione? Did she just…" Harry asked curiously as he found himself back in the real world.

"She doesn't remember the meeting," Hermione stated as she worked her stiff limbs to loosen them up, "And I can't find that bottle."

"I see… and the other visitor?" Harry asked cautiously as he helped Hermione to her feet.

"He is about, however much like his friends, he returned to the background of all that occurs… yet Luna, you, and I have a meeting with Professor McGonagall next week Wednesday for 'Remedial' Transfiguration."


End file.
